Double-up tournament

Some good news and bad news this evening...

First, the bad news: I thought my bankroll was in the $80 range or so, but it looks like it's actually in the $65 range. I don't know how that happened, as I have no major losses recently that I can recall. However, the good news is that I have been alerted to what should be a consistent moneymaker barring the occasional bad beat, lost race or mental fuck-up (foreshadowing!). Sportsbook has these SNGs where you put in $5, and you double up if you finish 5th out of 10 or higher. That's it. It's a neat concept, but I wish they'd just end the tournament when the 5th person busts out...instead, everyone left has to go through the formality of going all-in every hand until everyone's done.

I played one today, and my god was that 61 of the most stressful hands I've played in a long time. Knowing that my bankroll was lower than I thought, my sphincter really shriveled for some reason, which is very uncharacteristic of me. There were several times I came back from the dead to stay in the tournament, and honestly I didn't deserve that luck. I made one major fuck-up mentally where I honestly deserved to have had Kings vs. someone else's Aces on the very next hand. I'll get to that.

So yeah, Brendan had reported that there were a lot of loose idiots attracted to these things, and it's usually a simple matter of waiting for 3-4 of them to donk away their chips, cling to life until one or two more go busto, and voila...$5 turns to $10, presto chango. Well, that wasn't my experience at ALL - this table was so fucking tight, it was squeaking. We're talking virgin cheerleader tight, kids. Now, I was able to take advantage in the early levels with some continuation bets (including one time I whiffed with A-10, but bluffed someone off of 5-5, which he was dumb enough to show), and that kept me alive despite my brain fart later on.

Then again, outside of those few hands where I showed aggression, I was waaaay more timid than I usually am. I suppose I have to find the balance between "just stay alive, you moron!" and "everyone else wants to stay alive too...attack!". Keep in mind, the blinds go up EVERY FIVE MINUTES in these things - good thing too, or else I'd have had to call in sick from work tomorrow to finish this fucking thing.

My first dose of ridiculous luck happened on Hand 25, 50/100 blinds, 1570 in my stack. I find 9s-8s in the SB, and limp along with two others. The flop comes Ah-Js-5c, and it's checked around. The turn is 8c, and so I fired out $200 at it. One person called - the biggest donk at the table, actually. The river was a 7c, and ONCE THE FUCK AGAIN, I just assumed that the other person had a made flush cause the third one came out. If this were a better player, I could feel better about that read. But, this nimrod could have been calling with 5-3 and I wouldn't have been that surprised in retrospect. I should be charged with illegally possessing two testicles for my check on the river. Luckily, the donk show had computer problems or something, the timer expired, and they were force-checked (I highly doubt that they were in the tank so long that they didn't make a move). My eights actually held up, as she had Qc-10d.

Hand 30 was the one where apparently nothing above the brain stem was functioning. 75/150 blinds, 1970 in my stack (2nd place). I find 4s-3s, and fuck it, I'll splash around and see a flop with this. It won't kill me if it doesn't hit...I can outplay these guys if something marginal hits and I sense danger, right? Five others limp along with me, so there's $800 in the pot to start. Nice implied odds! The flop comes A-4-2, no spades. Immediately, my eyes light up: "Woot! I can has straight!" NO, YOU IDIOT, YOU CAN NOT HAS STRAIGHT, YOU HAS SECOND FUCKING PAIR AND IT'S FOURS AT THAT, YOU FUCKING RETARD! One guy bets $150, and I bump it up to $750. The good news is the original raised folded (mid-range pocket pair, probably), but the bad news is that *two* others call. I then realized what happened, and my heart sunk down to my toes. The turn was a 7, and it checked around. The river was a 10, and I of course check. One of the others goes all-in for $675, the second calls with their last $315, and I of course peace out. The one with 315 had A-6, and lost out to A-Q. So, you had someone stick around with that shitty of a kicker, get busted out with it, and they were only the SECOND-dumbest person in the hand thanks to me. I was still alive, but I think the Poker Gods were sleeping when they let me cash in this one.

It was at that point where I knew I wasn't playing a second one. Duh, right? Tomorrow, Brendan and I are going to play in shitloads of these things to get the bankrolls to a healthier state. Anyway...

More ridiculous luck on Hand 34 - with just $1070 left and the blinds at 100/200, I got a walk with 9d-7d in my hand. That basically paid for the SB, which I folded immediately. Two hands later, I'm into triple digits when I limp with 7s-6s, and have to fold after a flop of As-8d-4c. Sorry, but I'm not risking my tournament life on a gutshot or runner-runner for a flush.

At this point, the blinds were still 100/200, but now with a 25 ante. Uh-oh.

On Hand 42, more undeserved luck in the BB when I found Kd-Jd, and someone bet $900 before me. I knew I was probably behind, but hoped I had two live cards. The other guy rightly called with Ah-3h. A King came right in the door, but so did a flush draw for him. Just for fucking once, it didn't get there, and neither did an Ace...it actually held up. Isn't that something?

So, up to $1890 and I get K-J again a few hands later. I limp, but then quickly muck when someone goes all-in for $1000. At that point, I'll wait for a better spot. We're still 8-handed at this point, FYI.

Hand 45 looked to have that better spot, as I found A-Q one off the button. One guy goes all-in for $1124, and he got a call for the guy's last $637. In this situation, I wonder if my call was the right play or not. I don't normally entirely like A-Q vs. an all-in and a call (with both coming from moderately-solid players), but I also figured that if I won it, I could sit on Easy Street and fold everything that wasn't A-A or K-K on my way to the money. I call, and find myself up against 1124's A-10, and the other guy's 6-6. The board showed 7-5-3-9-K with three clubs. A fourth club would have given me a Q-high straight and won it for me, but instead, the sixes held up. Luckily, the guy with the pair was the short stack, and the other guy was dominated instead of me being up against A-K, something which hit the board at all, or even chopping it with A-Q. But, I was down to an M of 2 or so with just $1065....not good.

The antes chomped away at my useless hands, and the blinds went up to 200/400 just in time for me to get 8-4 off-suit in the BB, which I had to muck to a raise. I was now facing a SB of $200 + $25 ante with just $540 left. I had to play whatever hand came up, and I was gambling that it was better than 8-4. As it turns out, it was 9d-7d. There were three folds, one gutless prick was sitting out (I'll rant about that in a second), and one to go. I would have gladly taken the walk, but instead they went all-in. Well, in that case at least I'm sure to have two live cards...so I made the mandatory call. The other player turned over 4-4...could be a lot worse! The flop came 10-10-7, leaving them dead to two outs. They didn't come, and I was back up to $1605 and 4th chip position! Again, I had a horseshoe rammed up my ass tonight, apparently.

Now, I know that there is some strategy behind sitting out and risking getting blinded down when you're in a safe chip position. But, how fucking much of a worthless pussy do you have to be to actually do it and not play? I know that folding everything you get isn't too much different, but here's the difference - if you're still actually playing, you may get K-K, A-K, A-A or something else irresistible. And, you could either really go out to a big lead, or maybe you get drawn out on. Or, perhaps you show some fucking skill and muck it if you're sure you're beat. But no...they go fucking hide because they don't feel they're good enough to trust themselves to actually play the game...and so they desperately cling on in hopes of making the money. I know there's not much the rooms can do about it, but god I want to fight these fucksticks in the Octagon. That said, on to the denouement.

Hand 53 showed me K-Q, and my all-in move took down the blinds and antes, along with one caller...up to $2730 now, and that may have been the only legitimately skillful play I made the whole time. The next hand was frustrating for a new and different reason - the micro-stack went all in for less than the BB, but won with K-4 when the caller only had 7-3. They were crippled on the next hand when a mid-stack's 7-6 beat his A-9, and he went busto the hand after when the same girl's 3-2 (the same hand I folded, incidentally) caught trips and beat his A-3.

So, on the bubble, and this is how it looked (200/400/25):

Seat 2: $3500
Seat 5: $522 (one of the gutless sit-out pussies)
Seat 7: $2676
Seat 8: $3020
Seat 9: $2627 (the other gutless sit-out pussy)
Seat 10: $2655 (your charming, dashing hero)

While Seat 9 was one of them, at least he played well when he did deign to grace us with his presence at the table. The nimrod in 5 was the short stack, and he deserved at least to lose his money. Of COURSE he was the one to go, right? No, he goes all-in with Qs-6s, I call with 7-6, another guy calls with K-9. Sure enough, a Queen comes right in the door, and he triples up. Ugh. This game is such a bitch sometimes. Incidentally, I was now the second-short stack...Prick Boy was still on the bottom of the pile.

It's now 300/600/50...real nut-cutting time now. My A-6 isn't good enough to play on Hand 59, and good thing too because Prick Boy won again and doubled up with J-4 against Q-2 when he rivered his four. Oh...my...fucking...god...please...die...you...fucking...piece...of...shit...shaking...with...rage...

Hand 60 gives me 7-4, which I have to fold. I'm actually now the short stack.

Hand 61 gives me 8-3, as I'm planning to go all-in as soon as I get a decent hand. Luck is on my side once more though, as Prick Boy goes busto (YAY!) to get the rest of us into the money. Ironically, it was the other Sit-Out Sam who raised to $1200. Prick Boy goes all-in, and SOS calls him. Either we were in the money, or SOS was down to $300 or so. Prick Boy had A-K, SOS had A-Q. A Queen came on the flop, and no help was forthcoming for PB...on that ridiculous suck-out, I lucked my way into doubling my buy-in. Unreal.

So yeah...tomorrow's plan is to hit the gym when I get done with work, as I usually am revitalized by doing 30 minutes or so on the bike. Then, hopefully with the capability of recognizing 5 numbers in sequential order, I will go back to these things and really hopefully make a solid positive impact on my bankroll. Watch this space...I'll let you know how it goes.